Dad Post: Love

People often ask me what it is like raising twins. I often give the warm and fuzzy response like, being a father of twins is 'great', 'amazing', 'thrilling' and 'joyful'. Don't get me wrong, being a father is all of those things, but deep down in the belly of fatherhood is a harsh truth... Parenting is HARD!

Jessica and I went to several parenting classes before the girls arrived and there are so many things they fail to tell future parents. Sure, we are well educated on SIDS, the Period of Purple Crying and Shaken Baby Syndrome. But they don't teach parents about how to respond when you finally come to the realization that nothing in your life is about you anymore. When you make weekend plans for a family outing and the babies have something different in mind. When breastfeeding doesn't seem so liberating or natural for anyone. When your child decides not to sleep when you need it most. When you forget what a warm meal taste like. When you are flat out grumpy but still have to effectively communicate with your spouse. These are the unpopular truths to parenting. The ones that many fear to admit because it makes us feel like bad people or that we don't truly love our children.

The reality is, love is not found in the warm and fuzzy feelings. In a perfect world, we would feel 'in love' with our children all the time. But I'm learning that love is in what we do (action), rather than how we feel. Feelings will fluctuate and underneath it all is true love at work. Love is me telling my wife how much I appreciate her when times are most difficult. Love is coming home from work everyday with energy and enthusiam, despite knowing the challenges ahead. It is waking up every three hours in the night to feed the girls. And it is holding them when they cry, even when I am ready to cry too.

I am not perfect at this concept of love. In fact, I am recognizing everyday how the girls are teaching me the right way to love them. Just when I feel I have it (and them) figured out a new challenge is presented. And it is in those moments that I realize, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I know that parenting will never be easy, but I have faith that it will get easier. Not necessarily because my children will become less challenging (lets be honest, girls are complex creatures), but because my love will become stronger. I will better understand that love is doing, instead of feeling.

So, next time you ask me what it is like to have twin girls you will still get the 'great', 'amazing', 'thrilling' and 'joyful' responses. After all, they are indeed true. Just know that having twin girls defines me as a father, but learning to love them has transformed me into a man.